I had a thought yesterday and I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t escape a single thought: What is wrong with me?
I’ve always got on with boys growing up. Girl’s had all these rules to trip up on. My flaky nature meant I was tripping more than walking. After a break up from a long time friendship I was left feeling more confused then ever. How do you make relationships work with girls?
I know my flaws. I’m moody, flaky and I have a very serious concentrating face.
Girls don’t like moody girls, they seem them standoffish and misinterpret the moody swings into being something about them. Some times they are right, but mostly wrong. Then there’s the serious face thing that probably makes me unapproachable. When I was dancing as a child my mum would bring me to stage show auditions and say “Smile! Smile!” but I never did, cause I was concentrating. I lost all my auditions that way and I didn’t mind, because I just wanted to be me.
So, this coupled with my difficulty in approaching people due to inner shyness, makes for a very rocky path to a conversation.
It’s painful for me to see girls at work laughing, shooting the breeze and chatting about where they went together at the weekend. People that I have worked with for years still don’t take to me and take well to new comers almost instantly. Some favour me for a while, then pull away.
Boys tend not to have such tight rules for friendship. They don’t give a damn who comes up to who or who start the conversation, or if your late. They just say “Whatever” and that’s that.
But although having a friendship with a boy is easy, they often want to have sex with you. Not because they are into you necessarily, but just because you are there. It’s more a proximity and familiarity thing, a convenience. This complicates things a little. And when they get girlfriends they can feel obliged to ditch you for the chick they are actually getting it from. Altogether making having a long-standing boy friendship difficult.
I have no long-standing boy friendships they are gone or married, but oddly I do have 3 long standing girl friendships and I cherish them dearly. I don’t see them often due to work and geography, but I love them wholeheartedly and I miss them all the time.
Three people. Three people out of the thousands that I have met, connect with me.
You would think that after all this time I would be used to the feeling of loneliness. I figure we all have our cross to bear.